Your Guidance, My Salvation
by revelationsinrevenge
Summary: Overwhelmed by her transition, Elena contacts the one person she thinks may be able to help her to gain control of her bloodlust and guide her through the steps of being a vampire. But nothing ever quite goes the way she intends it to be, not even in the matters of the heart. Post 03x22. Elena/Elijah
1. Prologue

**Summary: Overwhelmed by her transition and, Elena contacts the one person she thinks may be able to help her to gain control of her bloodlust and guide her through the steps of being a vampire. But nothing ever quite goes the way she intends it to be, not even in the matters of the heart. Post 03x22. **

**Pairing: Elijah x Elena**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Vampire Diaries, that belong to LJ Smith and the CW. **

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**PROLOGUE**

**_Elena's POV_**

Her fingers fluttered over the letter, unfolding it and rereading words she had longed imprinted into the back of her mind. It had been a week since the day she turned and of all the possible difficulties she had envisioned when she turned, being unable to keep blood from anywhere other than the vein down was not one of them. She gripped the letter tighter, as if by attempting to she could reach through it and pull him here.

_How ridiculous. _

They would all say she was losing her mind. She almost scoffed at the idea, but couldn't help but think twice. She had lost her family, her loved ones, and maybe that was the last to go. Carefully, she placed the letter down on her bed.

Moving to the window, she stood observing the moonlight slipping in, the wane streaks of light hitting the floor of her room, casting the room with an eerie glow. As a human she wouldn't have seen more than the faintest outlines of the objects scattered around her room; as a vampire she could see even the smallest dust motes in the still air if she desired.

_A creature of the night… a monster. _

She curled her arms around herself, as if she could shelter herself from the reality, return to cheerleading, school, friends or_ life_ before this all happened.

_I need help. _

Not from Damon, or Stefan. Stefan's actions had only hurt her, even before she turned there was a part of her that made peace with the fact that he would never return, having both hurt and lost during his ripper stage. It wasn't his fault; she never blamed him for all of that. The Salvatore brothers were both infinitely stubborn to a fault. Both of them loved each other more than they would care to admit. Stefan sacrificed his willpower to save his brother, knowing that the guilt of another ripper stage might crush him after. Damon respected that, and kept his distance from her, unable to deal with the guilt of what they might, or could do, with the knowledge that his brother would inevitably return to them and the possible hurt and betrayal he would experience.

Stifling a low sigh, she sank to her knees on the floor, suddenly finding it difficult to stand.

She had hurt them both, more than she could bear. It was as if her feelings, her emotions had intensified with her transition, and the guilt felt like a razor sharp blade on her insides. She was the element that was tearing them apart. When Stefan had returned, she had been relieved, glad, her worries dissipating, but other than that… nothing. The moment his green eyes had locked on hers, filled with a guilt, layered with relief and love, she could only give him a vague smile in return, almost a grimace, knowing she couldn't give him what he had been hoping for.

And he had nodded, seemingly aware of her inner turmoil.

Then there was Damon.

This past summer had given her insight to a part of him that she was certain very few people had the opportunity to see. Her actions had indirectly given him hope that he might be the one she chose, evident in the way that he took care of her with painful, slightly stifling tenderness. Looking into his cerulean eyes, she wished she could be what he wanted, she couldn't deny the attraction she felt towards him, how critical his support was in her life, how much she had come to rely on him for help.

_But was it enough? _

Seeing them fighting over how she would feed had been the last straw. It wasn't as if her opinion mattered, since none of them bothered to listen. She had no other choice, yet she was terrified of losing herself, giving herself to the bloodlust, becoming the next ripper. Control, she needed to learn it, hone it, live it. And she couldn't do it with Stefan or Damon, both providing more chaos to her already slipping fingers of control.

Her head tilted to the slip of paper on the bed, tugging on her bottom lip with her teeth. She hadn't seen him in a while, but after losing his brother, she hadn't been expecting him to stick around. Tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, she stood up and settled back down on the bed, staring at the cursive, elegant writing.

_Always and forever. _

Was it foolish to ask this from him? He had assured her that if she should require any help that she should request for it. Of course, at that time, she hadn't paid much attention, but she needed his help, now more than ever. As unpredictable as he was as an Original, he always exuded a timeless sense of stability and calmness, something she needed more now than ever. If anyone excelled at control, it was him.

Reaching for the letter, she turned it over. She hadn't noticed it the first time she read the letter, but there was a faint row of numbers at the bottom right corner. _If you need me._

Before she was aware that she had moved, her handphone was in her hand and she was pressing the numbers with trembling fingers.

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**A/N: This is a tad short, but it's a simple overview of Elena's decision to contact Elijah, the subsequent chapters will be longer. Do leave a review! Those are excellent motivators. x**


	2. Goodbye

**A/N: My apologies for making you wait so long for this chapter. Real life stuff got in the way, but I won't bother you with excuses. Here's the next chapter!**

******Disclaimer: I do not own the Vampire Diaries, that belong to LJ Smith and the CW.**

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**CHAPTER 1**

_**Eljiah's POV**_

The raindrops fell against windowpanes, a cold dreary light filling the study. The hot summers had given way to the coolness of the fall. And a man sat stock still in his seat, his elbows resting on the arms of the chair. He was dressed simply, but formally, in a white shirt and black tailored pants. His face was impassive, carrying nary a hint of emotion, but his eyes spoke volumes. There was a flash of lightning, illuminating his features briefly in a pale white light. Yet he remained still.

For centuries, he had watched every storm, every lightning, and even so, Elijah still marveled at the strength and the beauty of Mother Nature. No matter where his travels brought him, he always took time to appreciate the power that seemed to writhe through the air with each blinding white bolt. His quiet contemplation was however, interrupted by the ringing of his hand phone. A simple glance to the phone struck him with slight surprise.

_Elena Gilbert. _

He remembered, distinctly, of course, the moment he had, in an untoward action, wrote his number on the back of the letter he had left on her bed. If she needed any assistance she was free to contact him. Yet after the incident where he broke his promise and failed to kill Klaus in a moment of weakness, when Klaus had dangled the promise of reuniting with his family in front of him at the expense of her loved ones, he had never allowed himself to embrace the thought had kept the trust she had, out of the kindness of her heart, granted to him. The fact she had contacted him meant that she was likely in dire danger, and despite all his failures, he would keep one last promise.

"Good evening, Elena," he greeted smoothly into the phone.

There was a brief pause, and then her voice came over the line, stilted, but a slight undercurrent of emotion swirling beneath it. "Elijah… It's-it's good to hear your voice." A gentle rustle, before she continued, more steadily this time, "how are you?"

A slight frown creased his forehead as he listened to her words. "I'm doing well, but I presume this phone call is not to inquire for my health. Was there something you required my assistance in?"

"I died."

At first, the meaning of his words escaped him. But eventually, his eyes fell shut with realization, and he mourned for the loss of her humanity, and the familiar strident beats of her heart. He did not know of how she would be as a vampire, but it was not a life he envisioned for her, this waif of a girl, not wanting to subject her to this lifestyle, much as Katerina was.

She took his silence as a signal to continue. "I-I need your help with the transition. I would do this with the others but… they're only making this harder. I can't focus, there's so many different emotions grabbing for my attention at once, and I'm overwhelmed by it all. I'm afraid to lose myself, Elijah, I can't." She was frantic now, her tone rising and falling, her words flowing out one after another without pause.

"My apologies, Elena." What words could he possibly offer to soothe her? He feared her light might be consumed by the darkness. And she wanted his help, not the Salvatores that hovered around her, nor her friends, but him. It struck him as little odd, and he was inclined to inquire more about that matter and the circumstances that led to her transition. "I will do my best to assist you, in any way necessary. Unfortunately, I am not able to reside in Mystic Falls for long period of time. If we're to do this, I might have to trouble you to reside at my house for now."

"Of course… I can do that."

The ease of which she had agreed to his request further proved that there was something she wanted to avoid in Mystic Falls. She was willing to reside with an Original, infinitely powerful and having used her and betrayed her trust more than once. As to whether she had truly forgiven him for his transgressions, he was unaware, but there would be a time and place for those discussions. His guilt remained, for his actions went against every fiber of his being that spoke of honour and loyalty, and with Elena Gilbert, he had failed in both regards.

"Very well then. I will arrive tomorrow to escort you."

"Wait," she called out. "Where is this house of yours? I need to tell someone, just in case they worry."

"Of course, it's on the outskirts of Massachusetts," he acquiesced. He did not particularly favour revealing his location, however, he trusted that she would only reveal that information to those she was certain would be able to retain that secret.

"I'll be waiting tomorrow. Thank you… Elijah."

"Goodnight, Elena."

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_**Elena's POV**_

Sunlight spilling in from the windows the following morning gently shifted her into awareness. With her mind still clouded from sleep, she stretched lazily and for a brief moment, she could pretend she was a normal teenager heading to school.

Then reality set in and she lurched up, her gaze dropping to her lapis lazuli ring on her finger. Twisting the silver band, she recalled the conversation she had with Elijah the night before. He had agreed to help her, she hadn't had much faith that he would, considering how Klaus was dead, and family was still family, despite their transgressions, she could understand that much.

Sliding off the bed, she padded towards the shower, allowing the hot water to pound into her back, and it helped to clear her mind to a certain extent. With a fresh change of clothes, she slid her hair into a ponytail. _I can do this_, she thought fervently while staring at her reflection in the mirror.

Entering her room, she dragged out a duffle bag from the back of the cupboard and began the preparations for her trip. She wasn't aware how long she would stay there, and if it dragged into the time before school began, she might have to conjure up some excuse for her absence. To place her in a room full of pounding heartbeats… it strained her already tenuous hold on her bloodlust. A brief image of her standing in the midst of her English class, blood dripping from her fingers and splashing to the tiled floor cooed to the beast residing within her, the one that delighted, _reveled_ in the carnage and wanted to make it a reality. Flinching, she jerked her mind back into the room, her hands trembling around her diary, which went on top of the shirts and jeans she had packed into the bag before she closed it with a zip, the sound echoing like finality in the early morning air.

She was really doing this. Moving in with Elijah, getting his help with her bloodlust. For Jeremy, for Bonnie, for Matt, and for every other human in Mystic Falls, she would try.

Hefting her bag, she quietly slipped out of her bedroom. A quick survey with her enhanced senses allowed her to confirm that Jeremy was in his bedroom. Strolling down the steps, she placed her bag by the front door, before pulling her cell phone out of her pocket. Biting her bottom lip, she fired off a quick text message to Caroline and Bonnie.

Because if she saw them she knew they would never let her go. Trusting Elijah again after everything that he had done was right at the top of her most asinine of plans.

She was utterly confused about _everything_.

[**Text:** I'm going out of town for a while. Someone is going to help me with my bloodlust. I can't really say anything more, but I will be in Massachusetts, and my phone will be with me if you need to find me. I love you guys, and I appreciate everything both of you have done for me. I'll be back once I've handled this. Please, do me a favour, and don't tell Damon and Stefan about where I am. I'll be safe and will return soon.]

"What are you doing?" The question sounded from behind her. Her eyes slid shut for a moment; so much for hoping Jeremy wouldn't wake up before she left. His heartbeat echoed in the space around her, and she could almost see the red, dark liquid that flowed through his veins. A throbbing pain shot through her gums and she slammed a hand over her mouth.

"Go back to your room, Jeremy," she instructed with a muffled voice, struggling to hold her breath.

"Not until you tell me where you think you're going. I lost you once, Elena, I can't lose you again."

Her heart ached at his words, and she wanted nothing more than to put her arms around him, tell him everything was all right. He didn't deserve all of this, he deserved a normal life, free of vampires and werewolves and supernatural drama. He didn't deserve to lose everyone he ever had, everyone but her.

But even she wasn't normal anymore.

She turned slowly, whilst her footsteps retreated to the door. He was so close now.

"Jeremy… please. I don't want to hurt you. Stop," she pleaded, trying to communicate her desperation with her eyes, even as they zeroed in on the vein on his neck. The warmth from his body screamed to her, each shuddering heartbeat a siren song to the bloodlust.

"You won't hurt me, Elena." He looked at her with such conviction that it hurt.

Unknowingly, she had gravitated closer to him, her feet shuffling, part of her just begging to sink her fangs into him, and the other part wanting to sprint away and never look back.

She couldn't live with the guilt if she hurt him. She couldn't.

Now it all depended on which side would win the battle.

Jeremy looked at her, slightly wary but still standing his ground with his hands clenched into fists by his side. She was scarcely a foot away from him now, primal need surging through her, and she could_ almost _taste him on her tongue… The rational part of her mind long scattered to the high winds.

A hand resting on her shoulder (when had that happened?) wrenched her away, and she let out a tiniest growl, like a lion that had been denied its kill when it laid, flesh splayed and blood dripping in front of him. Reality broke through her blood haze and she gasped, knowing that the veins spread out beneath her eyes, writhing like snakes. A whiff of expensive cologne filtered in through the sound of Jeremy's racing heart and diverted her attention towards this new intrusion.

Struggling, her eyes slide to him, instinctively slapping a hand over her mouth to hide the fangs pressing against her bottom lip. Warm hazel stared right back at her, steady, unflinching, and she couldn't read the emotions reflected in them. Was it disgust? Pity? But it disappeared as swiftly as it appeared.

"Elijah," she whispered, her voice muffled against her hand. And she calmed herself enough, using his presence as an anchor till all signs of her vampiric nature had faded.

"Elena," he greeted.

"What the hell is going on?" Consternation rang in Jeremy's tone as he glanced from his sister to Elijah.

Elena cleared her throat awkwardly, and managing to peel her gaze away from the man before her, she turned to her brother.

"He's going to help me."

"He betrayed you before Elena. And we trusted him to keep his siblings in line and it's the reason you turned in the first place! How can you still trust him?"

"I can't say that I completely trust him, Jeremy." She avoided the gaze of the man in question when she said this, but felt the weight of his on hers.

He remained silent.

"But I trust him enough for this, and I believe he's the best person to help me with it."

And it was true, her faith in him had been shattered once, when he broke his word to kill Klaus, and Jenna's death had been pointless, a life taken away before it should have been. She hadn't forgiven him for that.

But she understood.

"And I need time," she went on, louder this time, when it looked as if her brother wanted to interrupt. "Time to figure all of this out. I need to make sure I haven't lost myself." Her last words were spoken with firm conviction. These last few days, she felt like she had been drowning in a tidal wave of emotions, sensations. "I just need to get away. I'll be back, don't worry." She couldn't find it in herself to assure him that it would be soon. Because all of this doesn't just vanish in a blink of an eye, and she experienced a sudden admiration for what Caroline had went through when she had first turned. The bubbly blonde was the embodiment of the perfect vampire now, but Elena truly had an inkling of how difficult the road to it was.

Jeremy narrowed his eyes, but seemingly caved a moment later.

"I'm worried you will get hurt," he said quietly. And her heart tugs at his concern, her arms aching to wrap themselves around him, but she holds them still by her side.

"I'll be fine," she assured. "I love you, Jeremy. And I'm doing this for you. You can always call me when you miss me."

She settled for holding his hand in hers, squeezing it gently in comfort, whilst memorizing his features, searing them to memory. Smiling tenderly, she allowed their hands to fall, before she released a soft sigh. Turning, she grabbed her bag, and steeling herself, stepped out into the sun.


End file.
